My blog wishes are coming true

Just recently, famed douchebag Kyle Sandilands was kicked off from his morning show !ndigestion and will no longer be a judge on Australian Idol. This is after a controversial guilp he pulled on his radio station when after being told by a fourteen year old girl that she had been raped two years prior, Kyle then asked “is that the only experience you’ve ever had?” Smooth! I got to say, if the guy ever released a book of pick-up lines, I certainly be in line for it (not that there’d be much a line).
Although I think that that sort of behaviour on radio should result in Kyle being sacked, I think every time Kyle every opened his fucking mouth on that show he should’ve ben sacked. I guess nationally humiliating a rape victim was the final straw.

So, the thing is, eons ago when I first made this blog, my first post was about Sandilands being a douche. Not much to the article; I’m pretty sure I didn’t even finish it. But now it’s curious that he’s being cast into the dungeon of never-return (ie the mediocre lifestyle of the ‘burbs) that perhaps my post was responsbile for Kyle’s arrest. Perhaps the nameless, faceless execs saw my post and thought “hmm, that guy is right. I mean, it’s on the internet. And you know … we must obey the INTERNET.” And so Sandilands was sacked; but where’s the references to my blog? Where’s my recognition? Where’s my royalties? Dammit man, I should be sitting on the back seat of a convertable in a ticker-tape parade, with people calling my name as I wave to people, shake hands and kiss babies. And then someone from a brothel with a high-calibre sniper will take a shot at me, but my head will simply deflect the bullet and it will ricochet into the nearest child and I will say “‘e ‘ad it ‘omink” and everyone will laugh. But I won’t. A single tear will fall past my cheek and land appropriately on my groin. I will never forget that day. We will never forget. Whatever it was that happened, or when it happened, or why we should care … we will … NEVER FORGET.

But, hey, I shouldn’t be too hard on Lord Tool Sandilands. His parents got divorced as a kid. Geez, I bet not many children ever had to go through that kind of thing. And when he left home, he would sit outside his dad’s house, playing “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” by Tammy Wynette and he would cry and stay there until the lights went out. Geez, how I can relate. I once applied for a job at McDonald’s, but the manager said I was too black. So I would sit outside that McDonald’s, playing “Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen whilst crying and waiting for my fries. The manager came out one day, took me inside the fryer and we made love. I didnt get the job, but I got something ever better.

Anyways, I’m just hoping that this is all the start of a beautiful friendship and that all my blogs will come true spooner or later. I hope that Guitar Hero 5 won’t be so dear; I hope the trailer for Let Me In won’t spoil the Swedish original; I hope The Simpsons gets played at the correct time as stted in the TV guide (not that I watch it on TV anymore, so suck on that Channel Ten. Yeah, how do you like that? How do you sleep at night when you know you’ve got one less customer? Yeah!); I hope that social masturbation breaks out of the taboo and becomes a normal activity for all heterosexual males; I hope Cockburn don’t take my precious sign back. I hope. I HOPE.